new bunch of politically-correct terms

Abortion - Near-Life Experience
Alcoholic - Anti-Sobriety Activist
Alive - metabolically abled
Bad Cook - microwave-compatible
Bad hair day - rebellious follicle syndrome
Blind - photonically non-receptive
Bum - Involuntarily Domiciled
Cannibalism - Intra-Species Dining
Clumsy - uniquely coordinated
Corpse - Permanently Static Post-Human Mass
Crackpot - certified astrological consultant / past-life regression hypnotist
Crime Rate - street activity index
Deaf - Visually Oriented
Dish Washer - utensil sanitizer
Drunk - verbally dyslexic
Fail - achieve a deficiency
Fat - person of substance
Full of Crap - fecally plenary
Gang - Youth Group
Homeless - residentially flexible
Ignorant - factually unencumbered
Incompetent - Uniquely Proficient
Insult - Emotional Rape
Jerk - suffers from rectal-cranial inversion
Learning Disability - Self-Paced Cognitive Ability
Stoned - Chemically inconvenienced
Undress someone with your eyes - Introspective pornographic moment
Unemployed - Involuntarily leisured
Worst - least best