Call me a sellout. The former cheapster now feels at home at coffee shops. Maybe I should decorate my room to look like one (jotting down To-Do #000839x31).

It's not to drink coffee though; I'm in the mid of trying to be a tea-drinker. Just a shift of mindset, I guess. It all started with that first sip of Coffee Bean's Chai Tea Latte (behold power, for those yet to be bewitched), but I'm trying to take it in without sugar & milk. A slow, but progressing, process.

Maybe it's just something with getting older that you start to appreciate what's bitter. Fresh milk over Nido. Dark Chocolate over Baby Ruth. Heartbreak over illusions. You get the drift.

Amidst half-sleepiness (or half-awakedness, if you're an optimist), one question dawned upon me earlier, one which I feel is long due: what's so wrong with being ordinary?

As a child, my parents never bugged me to get high grades. Yet I did choose to drown myself in deadlines, contests, responsibilities and even more responsibilities. I have no idea how I turned out to be a total square.

Yet now, all I want is to, well, the word that comes to mind is float. No more dreams of grandeur, or wide recognition. Just being. Just chilling.

Sometimes it alarms me that I don't have any plans at all. Haven't really thought of career advancements or the like. Don't really care if I get moved up any time soon. Nada. Totally unlike the grade-schoolish me.

I guess the pressure wore off once I stopped the lame attempts to impress people (call it a knee-jerk bunso thing). Once I discovered that I am indeed innately selfish, that only I could define happiness for me, all hangups wore off. And I am glad for that -- although I wasted all the cranial capacity God has given me, the realization did wonders for my mental health.

I admit, this new outlook can be a little scary (what if regret finding myself amounting to nothing at all? what if i just become another echo?). The good thing is, once I realize that all the questions begin with 'what if', they get auto-dismissed by this new outlook too. Convenient.

I remember reading somewhere that the world doesn't really need more successful people. What it really needs are happy people to be a happy place. I guess I'm still doing my part after all.

how could you turn something like this (look above left) into this (look above right)?!? *sigh* don't worry, rodrigo, we still love you. haha.

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nahihirapan ka bang mag-ipon kamo?



try this crazy gizmo - it's an alarm clock that won't stop beeping unless you put a few coins in. mwehehe. balang araw magkakaron ka na rin ng limpak-limpak na piso.

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ever visited by a ghost of the past?

an officemate who had a sister who was a paulinian found the ad astra booklet we published for pauliworld a while back. yes, the ancient gs/hs campus paper days. yikes. at kamusta naman, the first page he flipped to had my poem. YUKK. paki-tapon. alalahanin immature at angsty pa ko nun. mwehehe. i could just imagine it with all its rhyming lines na pilit. yuck talaga. haha.

well, once college stepped in, the writing stopped to flow for some reason. whether it was the lack of academic requirements, change of environment, or maybe even bitterness over a certain poet (haha), i'll never get to figure it out. i didn't even join the college paper. the only time i really wrote was for a creative writing course, and my poems got the lowest scores among everything i've written for that class. haha. but at least i got the muse going again, even for just a brief nano-moment. if you want to know how truly sappy i am (or if you're looking for several minutes of masakit-sa-tiyan tawa), check out the said CW poems below:

Unpretend
Solace
alone can hear
whimpers of the true self
Unmask the sheep in wolf's clothing
Release.


MRT Cabin
One hand grips
a flimsy loop.
Other's on womb.
Chivalry's
long dead.


Thee Who Polishes My Shoes
Wise child of the road
Look at you, too strong to cry
You're worth more than I

Breakdown
Jack Johnson

I hope this old train breaks down
then I could take a walk around
and, see what there is to see
time is just a melody
With all the people in the street
walking fast as their feet can take them
I just roll through town
And though my window's got a view
Well the frame I'm looking through
seems to have no concern for now
so for now I

I need this
old train to break down
oh please just
let me please break down

Well this engine screams out loud
Centipede gonna crawl westbound
so I dont even make a sound
Because its gunna sting me when I leave this town
And all the people in the street
that I'll never get to meet
if these tracks dont bend somehow
and I got no time
that I got to get to
where I dont need to be
So I

I need this
old train to break down
oh please just
let me please break down

I need this
old train to breakdown
oh please just
let me please breakdown

I want to break on down
but I cant stop now
let me break on down

But you cant stop nothing
if you got no control
of the thoughts in your mind
that you kept and you know
you dont know nothing
but you dont need to know
the wisdom's in the trees
not the glass windows
You can't stop wishing
If you don't let go
of the things that you find
and you lose, and you know
you keep on rolling
put the moment on hold
the frame's too bright
so put the blinds down low

I need this
old train to break down
oh please just
let me please break down
I need this
old train to break down
oh please just
let me please break down
I want to break on down
but I cant stop now

had one of the weirdest mondays ever. heartbreak's a weird word to describe it, but it surely is the closest. it's the feeling you had when you found out for yourself that there's no santa claus.

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went to uplb for the company talk last thurs. haven't seen so many org shirts in a while; didn't think i'd miss wearing identical shirts. haha. i didn't realize i missed the scene that much --- the aloofness everyone carries while they walk. that look that says 'i'm going to change the world, just you watch out'. as jill put it, feeling like an adult without adult responsibilities. hay. oh well. at least i got my original buko pie.

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the friday's ride to the office made it to one of the weirdest fx rides EVER. it seemed that everyone's cellphone had to go off (including mine, which was at full volume). one girl answered her phone and mumbled something about a hospital. when she hung up, the guy next to her goes, 'sinong na-ospital?'. she never answered; it was later when i realized that these two weren't together. how's that for feeling close? haha. creepy.

also got to know how the local 'kanto boys' felt when everyone eyed them. deprived of a life that friday night, we went to the 7-11 on the corner for our 'lunch break' and well, let's just say we hung out. haha. went back to the office, had a round of poker using pushpins for chips. haha. sinong desperado? :op

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just slept my whole saturday am. after 2 whole NALA weeks, what do you expect? :)