Amidst half-sleepiness (or half-awakedness, if you're an optimist), one question dawned upon me earlier, one which I feel is long due: what's so wrong with being ordinary?
As a child, my parents never bugged me to get high grades. Yet I did choose to drown myself in deadlines, contests, responsibilities and even more responsibilities. I have no idea how I turned out to be a total square.
Yet now, all I want is to, well, the word that comes to mind is float. No more dreams of grandeur, or wide recognition. Just being. Just chilling.
Sometimes it alarms me that I don't have any plans at all. Haven't really thought of career advancements or the like. Don't really care if I get moved up any time soon. Nada. Totally unlike the grade-schoolish me.
I guess the pressure wore off once I stopped the lame attempts to impress people (call it a knee-jerk bunso thing). Once I discovered that I am indeed innately selfish, that only I could define happiness for me, all hangups wore off. And I am glad for that -- although I wasted all the cranial capacity God has given me, the realization did wonders for my mental health.
I admit, this new outlook can be a little scary (what if regret finding myself amounting to nothing at all? what if i just become another echo?). The good thing is, once I realize that all the questions begin with 'what if', they get auto-dismissed by this new outlook too. Convenient.
I remember reading somewhere that the world doesn't really need more successful people. What it really needs are happy people to be a happy place. I guess I'm still doing my part after all.
5 comments:
haha, you're not alone in that one, so don't worry.
People who are too prickly about success always wind up getting burned out, believe me. And that decision to "chill", i don't think it's wholly irresponsible. Actually it makes us realize how we can play to our talents with the least amount of effort or stress. Promise.
korak. :)
parang may kakaibang surprisa factor na bigla kang umachievement nang wala masyadong effort pero enjoy pa rin. sabihin mo pa: "sus, di pa ko umeffort nyan a." hahaha.
i think i like your new outlook. maybe it will do wonders for my mental health too :)
chillax! tayo na't maging taong grasa!
mwehehe. apir mae! panalo talaga yung words of wisdom mo: 'para sa akin, ang responsibilidad ay syet'. :)
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